Hi Adrienne! I read the story about the elephant and the angry ocean and found it to be a really easy read. When reading the story it was easy to follow the plot and realize what is going on, also not sure if this is because of me already have read the foolish timid rabbit. I think the only thing that I really think that I would have wanted to know more is about the elephants escape from the circus. Because in the beginning it says he works at the circus and then it was a down time and so he packed his stuff and left but then it goes to say later that he was new to the outside world because he spent most of his time cages. So, I think from there I would have liked to maybe see and expansion on if the elephant had to escape the cages of the circus and if so how did he go about this.
As far as the story website itself I really liked the layout that you have and I find the website to be really clean and layout in a sense that makes it easy to find everything.
Hey Adrienne! I read both of your stories that you have posted so far ("The Mysterious Waterhole" and "Elephant and the Angry Ocean") and have comments for each:
The Mysterious Waterhole - First off, just some quick grammar/spelling things. In the paragraph about the sand cat, you accidentally typed "sand car" at one point. I liked your idea to change the story from the Mahabharata to be about animals to make the story more entertaining. I think if you were to write the story again, it may be helpful to explain more why the characters wouldn't answer the voice before drinking.
Elephant and the Angry Ocean - I really enjoyed the original story, and I also enjoyed your story. I thought you did a good job of changing your story enough from the original story while retaining the message from the initial story. I thought it was interesting that your story incorporated both people and animals.
Hey Adrienne! First off, I love the look of your portfolio. The website is so clean, and it's very navigable.
I read your first two stories, and thought they were both a lot of fun! I really like how much thought you put into what animals you choose for the characters, rather than picking them more arbitrarily.
One question I had about the Elephant story, was don't circus's typically move around, so the elephant would already be used to traveling? Maybe if you still wanted to keep him as a circus elephant, you could add in a sentence about how although he traveled with the circus, he was always kept inside his cage, or maybe just that his circus wasn't one that traveled.
I like that you chose a waterhole in the desert as the setting for the retelling of the Riddles at the Lake! Very creative. I think it would be fun if instead of just telling one riddle at the end, you told maybe 3 that build off of each other or something, to compare to the series of riddles told in the Epic?
Hello Adrienne, I really like this story and I am not usually a fan of animal based stories. I really like the imaginary you gave when you told how the camel drew his sword. I noticed a little error it says sand car instead of cat in the third paragraph. I also like how you used a common little riddle it made the story seem light hearted even though there were animals passing away from drinking water. In your author’s note I like how you explain why you chose the fox to be the one to bring everyone back. Foxes are usually the bad guy in the story but you made him the hero. I appreciate a good twist in a story. I really like the picture you choose for the background but I think it might be more fitting if you had an oasis pictured or something with trees since you mentioned that in your story. The website looks amazing! I am wishing that I went with Wix instead of Google sites.
This comment is for the second story in your portfolio. First of all I want to say that I love the layout of your website. It is very well done and easy to navigate. It was nice to see something a little different from the usually google pages that most people are using. The pictures from Wix are very clear and fit nicely too.
As far as the story goes, I loved it! In my own stories I did a version of that same story but rather than retelling it I just made my own riddles. I loved that you swapped out the humans for animals. Jatakas just are better with animals as the characters. The only thing I have to say about the story is that I think you should split up the paragraphs with an extra space. It would make the flow of it better. Other than that, great story!
I really like your website! It looks really professional. However, since you have a lot of blank tabs at the moment it can be a little hard to navigate. I also wasn't sure where I could go to comment on things or how to get to your comment wall.
I did love your stories though. The first one about the circus elephant was really good. I love the details you put in the setup before you got to the part about him panicking about the ocean flooding the town. It helped the story make more sense and also made it a very easy story to get into. I also really enjoyed your second story with the riddle at the watering hole. I liked the use of the different animals a lot. There's not many stories about camels so it was really neat to see one in your story. And the desert setting really helped with the retelling as well. Overall a really great story.
Hi Adrienne! I like the layout of your portfolio and the cool graphics and pictures that you have added on it to give it a unique touch. It looks professional like some other people have mentioned. I read your first story and I thought that you did a great job bringing together The Elephant and the Angry Ocean story together with something people are able to understand in today's society. Some suggestions that I would give on this story would be to have more dialogue and something that people can read and be intrigued about off the bat as the quicker you are able to grab the audience's attention, the better. Rather than having the dialogue later on and near the end of the story, I would have been more curious to see what is going on in this story if the talking parts were at the beginning. But otherwise, good job on this and I am intrigued to see how you are improving each week and I am looking forward to reading more stories.
Hi Adrienne! Focusing on design elements, I love the layout of your home page because it looks different from other projects that I’ve seen so far! On the home page, it might be more visually appealing if the link to your comment wall was a hyperlink instead of the actual https link. Something I found a bit confusing is that after clicking the story tabs in the top right of the page, I have to click another link to pull up the full story. I am also unsure what the purpose of the “all posts” tab is. I don’t know what the exact guidelines are for a portfolio site, but it might be easier to navigate if there was one tab for “stories” that displayed all the links for your 4 different stories (especially if you decide to leave the tab names as story one, story two, etc.), just like what your “all posts” tab is currently. I like that I can see and access each of your stories from one page here. I love that the pictures you use fit with the color scheme of your site!
Hi Adrienne! I really like the way your site is set up. The layout is unique and has a lot to look at so it keeps the senses entertained. It has lots of color and is easy to navigate through all the stories. The first story I read was your retelling of the Foolish, Timid Rabbit. I liked how you kept animals as the main characters in the story but gave them human-like characteristics. It took me a few minutes to catch on to which story you were telling, but once the elephant heard the loud rumbling noise, I knew. I liked that it was obvious from the beginning. I also read your retelling of Riddles at the Lake. I enjoyed how you described each animals approach to the watering hole. For example, you said the camel approached slowly yet surely. And the fox approach sneakily. I imagine these would be the mannerisms of those animals. The only thing that didn’t quite seem to fit in the story is when the camel drew his sword. The mental picture of this action just didn’t click. Maybe if you said he threatened to stomp them or something camel-like it would make more sense? Overall though, I really enjoyed both stories!
Hi Adrienne, Wix was a great idea to set up your portfolio and it looks amazing! Out of all of the projects I've read, this one is the most visually appealing! This may be a problem specific to me, but your comment wall link on the first page isn't clickable. Again that might be my issue, but I figured it's worth noting. Out of your three stories, I think the Urchin in the Ocean was my favorite! I hadn't read the original story so I wasn't sure what was going to happen next, and I was pretty happy with what you wrote! The Elephant and the Angry Ocean was a great retelling and I loved the details you included. At the beginning, it's not obvious where the story is headed but you do a great job foreshadowing the climax. The Mysterious Waterhole was well written, but I think I'm burnt out on Riddles at the Lake revisits. That being said, including more questions or even different questions alongside providing more background for the question asker would make it an excellent retelling!
Hi Adrienne! Back again for more reading. This time I read The Urchin in the Ocean I really liked that you took The Goblin in the Pool story and made it your own by telling it as if it were in the ocean. The picture at the top of the page really helped set the scene for this story. I also learned, from your story, that eel are the main predator for the urchins. I had no idea! There were a couple of things I saw that I might make suggestions on. The sentence that starts, “The group of fish were swimming all day…”. I think you meant to say looking FOR a reef to stay in? Also, the part about the dolphin and the fish “flossing” the reef was a little confusing. I think I got the general idea of what they were doing, but you might expand on this or add more details to give a better description of what they were doing. Other than those two things, I think you did a great job!
Hi Adrienne! First up, your site looks fantastic! Have you done any web design prior to this class? If not, you are either a natural or Wix does a tremendous job helping people build websites. "Elephant and the Angry Ocean"' was a great re-imagining "The Foolish, Timid Rabbit." The backstory of the elephant being part of a circus was a nice touch. I love the image you picked to go with "The Mysterious Waterhole" and the story itself is well done.
Since we're focusing on paragraphs this week, I think that you do a really good job in the structure of your stories. I've noticed a few instances where there aren't lines between paragraphs but that looks to be an issue with the coding on the site and not in your use of paragraphs (I really hope that makes sense).
Overall I think you've done a great job with your Portfolio!
Hi Adrienne! I really like the layout of your Portfolio. It has a super clean, organized look to it. So, this week, we are supposed to concentrate on paragraphing, and for this I read your story "The Urchin in the Ocean." First, good job with this story! You did a great job adapting the jataka tale to a setting in the ocean. In terms of paragraphing, I think that your story could benefit from some more paragraphs which would break up the two long blocks of text which make up your story. These long rectangles of text are pretty intimidating to the reader. Also, while I think the green text looks cool, the green lettering makes it harder to read your story than it would be if the text were black. All in all, a great job which would be improved by adding some breaks in the story with paragraphs to signal the reader that there is a slight pause during which the reader can rest his or her eyes.
I think your portfolio layout is my favorite so far! It is so uniquely organized and the details such as the chat and like button make it feel like a polished website! I think it is great you stick with the same layout for each story as far as where the picture and bibliography are. The attention to detail really make your portfolio look professional. I read your third story and really enjoyed how you changed the story. I also think the image you chose works perfect with you story. I also really liked your second story. I chose to re-write this one as well and was curious what direction you would take when it came to what question would be asked. I thought it was funny and clever you chose a simple riddle. I think your paragraphs are set up well in the two stories that I read. Your portfolio looks amazing, keep it up!
Hi Adrienne! I love your layout! It is different from all the others i've seen. I would like titles instead of just story numbers for the tabs, just because I like to know what I am looking at. I really enjoyed your first story. I had used it as one of mine too. I enjoyed the change to a circus elephant who knew nothing about the ocean. I think the paragraph structure was very similar to the original story. It was clean, readable, and made sense. Good job!
Hi again! I have gone back to look at all your other stories. I really liked your changes to the Water hole. It makes sense to move it to the desert and make it desert animals. I think the Fox being the savior was a smart choice. They are known to be sly. I still go with y previous comment of wanting more info on tabs than just Story and the number. The story of the Fish and the Reef was a good change too. I wouldn't have thought to take it that way, but the changes make sense. I like it more than I do the original I think. Good job!
Hey Adrienne! I am revisiting your project for the first time in about 6 weeks. First of all, I wanted to comment on how I really enjoyed the formatting of your website and I think using Wix was a good decision. At the time of reading your portfolio last time, you had only posted two stories. Since then, you've added two more stories. I had already read the third story on your Blogger page, but I read it again to remember it more. I really enjoyed how you used a very colorful picture and then included so many animals in your story. Story four has a tab, but I could not find any text. I reloaded the page a few times, but it did not appear to pull up a story. You may want to either fill this story out or delete the tab to make sure your page looks more complete!
Hi Adrienne! I came back one last time to see how your final project turned out for this class. I must say, your project has been one of my favorites to read during this semester. I came back each week to see what new things you had added to your portfolio. I think my favorite thing over all for your project has been the design and layout of your page. It is so intricate and there is so much to look at and click on that I could spend a good amount of time on your page. It looks very clean and very professional. The pictures and layouts your chose for each story work really well together. The home page has to be my favorite though. The pictures you chose and the colors are very eye catching and pleasant to look at. Overall, I think you did an amazing job with this project and was happy I got to partake in it!
Hi Adrienne! I read the story about the elephant and the angry ocean and found it to be a really easy read. When reading the story it was easy to follow the plot and realize what is going on, also not sure if this is because of me already have read the foolish timid rabbit. I think the only thing that I really think that I would have wanted to know more is about the elephants escape from the circus. Because in the beginning it says he works at the circus and then it was a down time and so he packed his stuff and left but then it goes to say later that he was new to the outside world because he spent most of his time cages. So, I think from there I would have liked to maybe see and expansion on if the elephant had to escape the cages of the circus and if so how did he go about this.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the story website itself I really liked the layout that you have and I find the website to be really clean and layout in a sense that makes it easy to find everything.
Hey Adrienne! I read both of your stories that you have posted so far ("The Mysterious Waterhole" and "Elephant and the Angry Ocean") and have comments for each:
ReplyDeleteThe Mysterious Waterhole - First off, just some quick grammar/spelling things. In the paragraph about the sand cat, you accidentally typed "sand car" at one point. I liked your idea to change the story from the Mahabharata to be about animals to make the story more entertaining. I think if you were to write the story again, it may be helpful to explain more why the characters wouldn't answer the voice before drinking.
Elephant and the Angry Ocean - I really enjoyed the original story, and I also enjoyed your story. I thought you did a good job of changing your story enough from the original story while retaining the message from the initial story. I thought it was interesting that your story incorporated both people and animals.
Hey Adrienne! First off, I love the look of your portfolio. The website is so clean, and it's very navigable.
ReplyDeleteI read your first two stories, and thought they were both a lot of fun! I really like how much thought you put into what animals you choose for the characters, rather than picking them more arbitrarily.
One question I had about the Elephant story, was don't circus's typically move around, so the elephant would already be used to traveling? Maybe if you still wanted to keep him as a circus elephant, you could add in a sentence about how although he traveled with the circus, he was always kept inside his cage, or maybe just that his circus wasn't one that traveled.
I like that you chose a waterhole in the desert as the setting for the retelling of the Riddles at the Lake! Very creative. I think it would be fun if instead of just telling one riddle at the end, you told maybe 3 that build off of each other or something, to compare to the series of riddles told in the Epic?
Overall, I love your portfolio so far!
Hello Adrienne,
ReplyDeleteI really like this story and I am not usually a fan of animal based stories. I really like the imaginary you gave when you told how the camel drew his sword. I noticed a little error it says sand car instead of cat in the third paragraph. I also like how you used a common little riddle it made the story seem light hearted even though there were animals passing away from drinking water. In your author’s note I like how you explain why you chose the fox to be the one to bring everyone back. Foxes are usually the bad guy in the story but you made him the hero. I appreciate a good twist in a story. I really like the picture you choose for the background but I think it might be more fitting if you had an oasis pictured or something with trees since you mentioned that in your story. The website looks amazing! I am wishing that I went with Wix instead of Google sites.
Hey Adrienne,
ReplyDeleteThis comment is for the second story in your portfolio. First of all I want to say that I love the layout of your website. It is very well done and easy to navigate. It was nice to see something a little different from the usually google pages that most people are using. The pictures from Wix are very clear and fit nicely too.
As far as the story goes, I loved it! In my own stories I did a version of that same story but rather than retelling it I just made my own riddles. I loved that you swapped out the humans for animals. Jatakas just are better with animals as the characters. The only thing I have to say about the story is that I think you should split up the paragraphs with an extra space. It would make the flow of it better. Other than that, great story!
Hey Adrienne,
ReplyDeleteI really like your website! It looks really professional. However, since you have a lot of blank tabs at the moment it can be a little hard to navigate. I also wasn't sure where I could go to comment on things or how to get to your comment wall.
I did love your stories though. The first one about the circus elephant was really good. I love the details you put in the setup before you got to the part about him panicking about the ocean flooding the town. It helped the story make more sense and also made it a very easy story to get into. I also really enjoyed your second story with the riddle at the watering hole. I liked the use of the different animals a lot. There's not many stories about camels so it was really neat to see one in your story. And the desert setting really helped with the retelling as well. Overall a really great story.
Hi Adrienne! I like the layout of your portfolio and the cool graphics and pictures that you have added on it to give it a unique touch. It looks professional like some other people have mentioned. I read your first story and I thought that you did a great job bringing together The Elephant and the Angry Ocean story together with something people are able to understand in today's society. Some suggestions that I would give on this story would be to have more dialogue and something that people can read and be intrigued about off the bat as the quicker you are able to grab the audience's attention, the better. Rather than having the dialogue later on and near the end of the story, I would have been more curious to see what is going on in this story if the talking parts were at the beginning. But otherwise, good job on this and I am intrigued to see how you are improving each week and I am looking forward to reading more stories.
ReplyDeleteHi Adrienne!
ReplyDeleteFocusing on design elements, I love the layout of your home page because it looks different from other projects that I’ve seen so far! On the home page, it might be more visually appealing if the link to your comment wall was a hyperlink instead of the actual https link. Something I found a bit confusing is that after clicking the story tabs in the top right of the page, I have to click another link to pull up the full story. I am also unsure what the purpose of the “all posts” tab is. I don’t know what the exact guidelines are for a portfolio site, but it might be easier to navigate if there was one tab for “stories” that displayed all the links for your 4 different stories (especially if you decide to leave the tab names as story one, story two, etc.), just like what your “all posts” tab is currently. I like that I can see and access each of your stories from one page here. I love that the pictures you use fit with the color scheme of your site!
Hi Adrienne!
ReplyDeleteI really like the way your site is set up. The layout is unique and has a lot to look at so it keeps the senses entertained. It has lots of color and is easy to navigate through all the stories.
The first story I read was your retelling of the Foolish, Timid Rabbit. I liked how you kept animals as the main characters in the story but gave them human-like characteristics. It took me a few minutes to catch on to which story you were telling, but once the elephant heard the loud rumbling noise, I knew. I liked that it was obvious from the beginning.
I also read your retelling of Riddles at the Lake. I enjoyed how you described each animals approach to the watering hole. For example, you said the camel approached slowly yet surely. And the fox approach sneakily. I imagine these would be the mannerisms of those animals. The only thing that didn’t quite seem to fit in the story is when the camel drew his sword. The mental picture of this action just didn’t click. Maybe if you said he threatened to stomp them or something camel-like it would make more sense? Overall though, I really enjoyed both stories!
Hi Adrienne, Wix was a great idea to set up your portfolio and it looks amazing! Out of all of the projects I've read, this one is the most visually appealing! This may be a problem specific to me, but your comment wall link on the first page isn't clickable. Again that might be my issue, but I figured it's worth noting.
ReplyDeleteOut of your three stories, I think the Urchin in the Ocean was my favorite! I hadn't read the original story so I wasn't sure what was going to happen next, and I was pretty happy with what you wrote! The Elephant and the Angry Ocean was a great retelling and I loved the details you included. At the beginning, it's not obvious where the story is headed but you do a great job foreshadowing the climax. The Mysterious Waterhole was well written, but I think I'm burnt out on Riddles at the Lake revisits. That being said, including more questions or even different questions alongside providing more background for the question asker would make it an excellent retelling!
Hi Adrienne!
ReplyDeleteBack again for more reading. This time I read The Urchin in the Ocean
I really liked that you took The Goblin in the Pool story and made it your own by telling it as if it were in the ocean. The picture at the top of the page really helped set the scene for this story. I also learned, from your story, that eel are the main predator for the urchins. I had no idea! There were a couple of things I saw that I might make suggestions on. The sentence that starts, “The group of fish were swimming all day…”. I think you meant to say looking FOR a reef to stay in? Also, the part about the dolphin and the fish “flossing” the reef was a little confusing. I think I got the general idea of what they were doing, but you might expand on this or add more details to give a better description of what they were doing. Other than those two things, I think you did a great job!
Hi Adrienne! First up, your site looks fantastic! Have you done any web design prior to this class? If not, you are either a natural or Wix does a tremendous job helping people build websites. "Elephant and the Angry Ocean"' was a great re-imagining "The Foolish, Timid Rabbit." The backstory of the elephant being part of a circus was a nice touch. I love the image you picked to go with "The Mysterious Waterhole" and the story itself is well done.
ReplyDeleteSince we're focusing on paragraphs this week, I think that you do a really good job in the structure of your stories. I've noticed a few instances where there aren't lines between paragraphs but that looks to be an issue with the coding on the site and not in your use of paragraphs (I really hope that makes sense).
Overall I think you've done a great job with your Portfolio!
Hi Adrienne! I really like the layout of your Portfolio. It has a super clean, organized look to it. So, this week, we are supposed to concentrate on paragraphing, and for this I read your story "The Urchin in the Ocean." First, good job with this story! You did a great job adapting the jataka tale to a setting in the ocean. In terms of paragraphing, I think that your story could benefit from some more paragraphs which would break up the two long blocks of text which make up your story. These long rectangles of text are pretty intimidating to the reader. Also, while I think the green text looks cool, the green lettering makes it harder to read your story than it would be if the text were black. All in all, a great job which would be improved by adding some breaks in the story with paragraphs to signal the reader that there is a slight pause during which the reader can rest his or her eyes.
ReplyDeleteHi Adrienne,
ReplyDeleteI think your portfolio layout is my favorite so far! It is so uniquely organized and the details such as the chat and like button make it feel like a polished website! I think it is great you stick with the same layout for each story as far as where the picture and bibliography are. The attention to detail really make your portfolio look professional. I read your third story and really enjoyed how you changed the story. I also think the image you chose works perfect with you story. I also really liked your second story. I chose to re-write this one as well and was curious what direction you would take when it came to what question would be asked. I thought it was funny and clever you chose a simple riddle. I think your paragraphs are set up well in the two stories that I read. Your portfolio looks amazing, keep it up!
Hi Adrienne!
ReplyDeleteI love your layout! It is different from all the others i've seen. I would like titles instead of just story numbers for the tabs, just because I like to know what I am looking at. I really enjoyed your first story. I had used it as one of mine too. I enjoyed the change to a circus elephant who knew nothing about the ocean. I think the paragraph structure was very similar to the original story. It was clean, readable, and made sense. Good job!
Hi again! I have gone back to look at all your other stories. I really liked your changes to the Water hole. It makes sense to move it to the desert and make it desert animals. I think the Fox being the savior was a smart choice. They are known to be sly. I still go with y previous comment of wanting more info on tabs than just Story and the number. The story of the Fish and the Reef was a good change too. I wouldn't have thought to take it that way, but the changes make sense. I like it more than I do the original I think. Good job!
DeleteHey Adrienne! I am revisiting your project for the first time in about 6 weeks. First of all, I wanted to comment on how I really enjoyed the formatting of your website and I think using Wix was a good decision. At the time of reading your portfolio last time, you had only posted two stories. Since then, you've added two more stories. I had already read the third story on your Blogger page, but I read it again to remember it more. I really enjoyed how you used a very colorful picture and then included so many animals in your story.
ReplyDeleteStory four has a tab, but I could not find any text. I reloaded the page a few times, but it did not appear to pull up a story. You may want to either fill this story out or delete the tab to make sure your page looks more complete!
Hi Adrienne!
ReplyDeleteI came back one last time to see how your final project turned out for this class. I must say, your project has been one of my favorites to read during this semester. I came back each week to see what new things you had added to your portfolio. I think my favorite thing over all for your project has been the design and layout of your page. It is so intricate and there is so much to look at and click on that I could spend a good amount of time on your page. It looks very clean and very professional. The pictures and layouts your chose for each story work really well together. The home page has to be my favorite though. The pictures you chose and the colors are very eye catching and pleasant to look at. Overall, I think you did an amazing job with this project and was happy I got to partake in it!